Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Skirt Site Review and Giveaway

   On my quest for modesty I am in search of fun and modern skirts (mostly) and dresses. I don't want to look like a frumpy, boring, old woman. Nor do I want my girls to look frumpy. I want all of us to look fashionable and fun and modern with our modesty. Also with a modest price. As I was searching the web, I found a great site. The Skirt Site
I loved this site, because not only did she have a nice variety of adult skirts but girls as well. On top of skirts the Skirt Site also carries tops, scarves, jewery and dresses even in plus sizes. I contacted the  Skirt Site about a review and she was kind enough to let me choose my own style to review. I choose the Black Jean with Lines
Black Jean With Lines
I loved the versitily of a jean skirt and the fact it was black. Most jean skirts are of course blue. I love this skirt! It is so comfortable. Its very easy to wear and goes with just about anything.
I did all of my regular daily things in this skirt from getting the mail,
to the laundry, which happens to be in the basement. I have always been worried about going up the  stairs holding a basket in a skirt. The Skirt Sites skirt was pretty good though. I have to say I love the length of it as well. I was able to play with the kids outside and even cross a baby gate with the amount of stretch it has in it.
I know that this may not be very important to you but this skirt had such a pretty button. i got several compliments on the SkirtSites skirt, at home and when we went out. It was easy to wear, easy to wash and it's easy on the pocket. The Skirt Site is modestly priced, especialy for the quality of skirts that she has. Over all I would recommend the Skirt Site!
Pro's: Stretch, it's very easy to move around in this skirt
The fact there is not a slit half way up the backside
 It's a very nice looking skirt
The button-I just love it
The comfort, No matter if I was sitting or playing it was very comfortable
It was warm, We do alot outdoors playing and this kept me warm
Cons: No pockets

The Skirt Site
Has been gracious enough to offer one of my lucky winners a skirt of their choosing $40.00 or less
(all but one are as far as I know) Just enter below using the rafflecoppter
Congrats Kat for winning!!!!!!! for liking the skirt site on facebook

Our Quest for Modesty

 Now that you all know my past, due to my Evolution of Me series, you all know the way I dressed as a teen. Since I have had children I of course dress entirely different. I have always worn pants on a day to day basis, with the occasional dress or skirt. I never wore revealing tops (since having children) and I most certainly would not allow my children to wear alot of the "in" clothing. We made a rule a long time ago when it came to the girls mostly, and since we have added many more due to the change in the kinds of clothing that is now being made today for young girls and teens.
  We started out with
"No writing on the backside of the pants, and no words such as Hottie on their tops"
We have since then added
"No two piece bathing suits, and no low V's in the one pieces"
"No skirts above the knee and always wear shorts under dresses or skirts, unless they are full length"
"tank tops or cami's under lower styled tops"
"No tops showing their bellies"
These are among several of our rules. Just because in today's society there are alot of perverts that I would care not to draw attention or advertise my children. Not to mention that I think that it looks awful. I mean to see these young girls dressing and some looking like bar hopping adults! I am sorry for my harshness, but I am disappointed and at times disgusted with the way that parents are not only allowing but dressing girls these days. That Toddlers in Tiara's is one of the worst. To dress those girls the way they do and then prance them around on stage, having them shake their bodies, ugh I'll stop there. I could go on and on when it comes to that sort of thing but I won't.
  I remember, back in school knowing some girls who wore nothing but skirts, boy did they seem odd. Even as an adult I didn't totally understand why. I mean I knew it was for religious reasons but I was never told I had to wear skirts in church. I love pants, I love dress pants, I love jeans I love the comfort of yoga pants! Since we have moved to our new place I became good friends with a couple of women, one who always wears skirts due to religious reasons and one who wears them just because she wants to and likes the way she and her daughters look in them. In all of my rebellion, I of course just wanted to stay in pants all the more. Not that either one has ever pressured me to put on a skirt. They are both very loving and accepting. However after going through a women's bible study, in which I did alot of healing and letting go of alot of my insecurities, I was in the basement doing laundry...When all of a sudden I had it laid upon my heart to start wearing skirts! Ha me never I thought, but that day, it wasn't even a question I just knew it was so. AM I all in, no, I live on a farm, I love my Carhearts when it comes to working with the goats and hiking in a skirt is pretty much out of the question in any of the skirts I have.
   When I get my mind set on something I almost get obsessive over it. Not that that is a good thing, but I can't help it. We are currently in a bit of a slump money wise so I can't go out shopping and buy seven girls worth of new skirts and dresses, but I am trying. Again I have told my girls that there are times when a skirt just isn't practical, but for day to day they are. Some of my girls are ecstatic to be in skirts. I have to be honest, I look at women in skirts and I see beautiful women. Not that wearing pants make women not look beautiful, it's just that it's so much more feminine and girly. I am not sure if the Lord put this on my heart to be a lasting change, I just know that I am called to be submissive and that is what I am doing, I am being submissive to what He has layed on my heart.
  With all of that being said I plan to review and have some giveaways concerning modesty. I hope you will join me on this new journey in this season of my life. I leave you with this...

 Deuteronomy 22:5 “A woman must not put on men’s clothing, and a man must not wear women’s clothing. Anyone who does this is detestable in the sight of the LORD your God.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Hadassah and little sister Syhven playing

I just love to see them grow and forge new relationships with one another. Now that Syhven is getting bigger and is more active Hadassah is having to learn how to share!

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Friday, January 27, 2012

Weekend Blog Hop

Welcome to my first ever Blog Hop. There are two rules.
1.Be Kind and follow me on GFC
2.Have fun reading all of the great Blogs!

Have fun and God Bless

I was Terrified for my Baby

     As we were wrapping up dinner last night, one of the scariest things ever happened. Hadassah our two year old had gotten out of her booster seat (the kind you strap to a regular chair.) nothing new there. She was sitting on my leg (which I had resting on the underneath bar of her chair, like a horsey) before I knew it she fell off my leg sideways, and landed on the back of her head! Now most will say nothing new there, children fall all the time. Jamie, her dad was directly behind us on the computer. He quicker than lightening picked her up rubbing her head. She screamed out and would not breath in for a long time, again not as if that had not ever happened before, remember we have seven kids. He turned around so I could see her, as I was telling her to breath ( I had baby Syhven in my lap-that's why I didn't grab Hadassah as fast as daddy) She then began to breath and he bent low into a squat to be facing me. All of a sudden she turned a gray color and her head began to go limp as did her whole body. Her eyes began to close and my heart began to drop! I got panicked as did the older children, all jumping from their seats. I started rubbing her face repeating her name over and over telling her "wake up baby", "open your eyes Hadassah" She slowly came to and I grabbed her out of daddies arms, much to his dismay. I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to several all at once asking for prayers. I urged daddy and the others to lay their hands on her as we prayed.
   I knew not to let her fall asleep, even though she kept trying to lay her head on my arm. I just had happened to buy daddy M&M's (usually don't eat that stuff) and told Jakob to give them to her, knowing that would keep her awake, anything I didn't care what it was. A couple of hours later, when I finally let her get down out of my arms, she seemed a bit hazy at times and slightly off balance but not for long. We kept her up with us rather than putting her to bed. She cried once reaching for the back of her head when she began to fall asleep on my lap (yes with Syhven nursing away,also on my lap) and a bit later she kind of twitched making a face, which could have just been a dreamy kind of thing. We kept her in our room in Syhvens crib that is up against our bed (Syhven always sleeps with us anyway) for the night, checking on her regularly. She is fine today Praise God but I am still on edge to be honest. I was so very close to calling 911 had daddy not been there I would have.
  How very scary it is when such a horrifying thing happens to our kids. Granted I don't like boo boos and blood or scratched and bruises but this time, well there just isn't words to describe the fear I felt in my heart...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Evolution of Me... mini series part 3

  Here  I was about two hours from home, I know it doesn't sound like much but it seems countries away sometimes. We bought a small farm, thinking we would just have to paint. HA, we have gutted the entire house besides the kitchen and hallways! We bought goat to milk and yes I actually milk them. Any real stores are 45 minutes away, and boy has that been difficult. My life had changed so very much. After only a few months of being in our new "construction zoned home" Hadassah was born, via daddy's hands, with only momma, daddy and God present. I have to admit it was the most peaceful birth yet.
Life was so different being in a small town. My children were safe when they went out to play, even though I thought every car that drove past was just waiting to steal them...
We found a church about 20 minutes away that even Jamie loved. Only there was no way I would have left my little ones in the nursery and I didn't care for those who and how they ran the Jr. church so that was a huge problem. Jamie and i had been having disagreements. Fights really and I actually took the kids and went back to our old house. We were going through a trial separation. A dear friend turned me on to a study book called Love and Respect, which probably saved my marriage. Jamie soon followed and we realized that we were together for a reason and could work through this.
So we went back to the farm and worked on us as a family. We had been trying all kinds of churches, that was no fun. I found a great little group of other homeschooling families who I have grown to love very dearly.  But we had given up on finding another church, which broke my heart. I knew we all needed to be there, but for now  bible study and T.V. church would have to do.
Farm life was growing on me I have to admit. I had even butchered chickens myself! I assisted in our goats birthing kids and boy that was amazing! I was getting used to having to drive all that way to shop, or else I would skip it and order everything I could online. Things were going good.

and along came Syhven

We also had been directed (by God) by some friends at 4-H to a church with several youth. We gave it a try and felt right at home right away. Its the kind of church that feels like family, most are, but they welcome newcomers as if they had known and loved you all your life. I have never been to such a loving church in my life! Its a Methodist church and I have to be honest I am not happy with the whole Pastor rotation thing, but I know God knows best.
 I don't know when it happened and I don't know exactly how it happened, but this little town, this small little farm house, the small church, it became home...
I couldn't imagine going back to our old place. I miss my mom/best friend more than anything and another dear friend and the ease of shopping, but I'd rather that all be here. I don't want to leave. I want to be here for the rest of my days. Like I said before God knows best. We are exactly where we were meant to be and I couldn't be happier.

Monday, January 23, 2012

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate...I think NOT

  Why do you vaccinate? Do you vaccinate because your Dr. says you should? Do you vaccinate because the hospital you birthed your baby in started without your permission and gave you a shot record? Do you vaccinate because your friends do or because your parents say you should? Why do you vaccinate? Have you ever truly thought about it. Are you scared your child is going to die? Or that they won't be able to go to a public school? Have you ever looked up anything on vaccines? Have you looked at more than one website or are you only going to the American Pediatrics website?
  We vaccinated our children at first. I followed the recommend schedule. Our oldest three children have every vaccine that is required to get into Kindergarten. Our fourth has all but the Kindergarten shots and our fifth only has a few doses of each, our sixth and seventh has not had a single vaccination injected into their precious little bodies yet! Before getting into why I will tell you, despite all of Hadassah's coughing lately (I am beginning to think allergies) my youngest two are healthier than any of my older kids who seemed to live at the Dr.'s when they were young. I can remember being told by the nurse, that they were going to get some cot's in the back for our family.
 When I delivered our fifth at home she of course didn't get her first dose of vaccines. However I did get her vaccinated, until I was educated. I began going to a study group and boy did I ever learn alot! I also went to a La Leche League conference where Dr. Bob Sears spoke on his book The Vaccine Book. He was neither pro nor anti vaccines but again I learned alot. I am sure most parents have heard the link between Autism and ADHD and vaccinations. Also our son got the chicken pox years after getting the vaccine for it. Our fourth got the measles after getting the measles vaccine. An extremely tragic incident right here in our small town happen just this year. A small toddler boy died from meningitis. Tragic yes, but guess what...that child was vaccinated against it!
  I am not one of those people who are going to scream at you over NOT getting vaccinated, but I do wish more people would educate themselves as to what kind of toxic chemicals they are allowing to be injected into their child's body. I have been turned down by every single Pediatrician in a large city nearby due to our not vaccinating, but I found a great local Dr. who doesn't mind.As long as I sign a form. But I have been in her office twice when she had a sub fill in and both have tried scare tactics to get me to vaccinate my children. You want to know a secret...Our old Pediatrician once told me that most Dr.s do not even research the medications and vaccines they are giving to their patients. They rely on the pharmaceutical reps that come to their office to give them what everyone else is giving their patients, now that TERRIFIES me!
  I mean do you even know how many complications girls are having over this HPV vaccine, yet it's still being pushed, not that that's the worst of them. Mercury has been removed for the most part, but it was just replaced by a toxic amount of aluminum-another heavy metal. Vaccines have he live virus in them. If some of these diseases are completely eradicated, why are we still injecting them into people? Then for all of us who don't want a toxic cocktail in our bodies we go out into public with all of those who do and we get sick from the germs coming out of you because you have the live virus pumping through your body. I know more people who get the Flu after getting the Flu shot then I do who doesn't get it. If you want to line up like cattle to line the big pharmaceutical companies pockets go right ahead, but read up as to what you are putting into your body and your child's. Here are some websites that are an interesting read.

just in case you want to look

Those are just a few, if you would really like to dig-please do there are many more. A newborns body was not created (by God) to withstand around 35 injections of such dangerous chemicals. So you can vaccinate your children, to each their own. I say it's a personal question. I just ask you to remember, just because a Dr. recommends it does not mean it's the best thing for you or your child. Praying is also a good way to ask God to guide you. Good Luck in making such an important decision, and please remember, I am not going to criticize you for your personal decision please do not criticize me.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Evolution of Me, mini series part 2

So within a year, and a few boyfriends-hey I said I wasn't perfect, Jamie and Jakob came into my life. Jamie had been friends with my step brother,  so when he started calling me every day, all day it wasn't as if he was a stranger. He was newly separated with two kids. He had kept his son and his daughter had stayed with her biological mother. He moved in with Jakob, but it didn't take long for him to miss Virginia so Haven and I moved to Virginia to be with Jamie and Jakob.
It didn't take long for Jamie to begin missing his daughter. We soon found out her biological mother had not been taking good care of her so we took Alyssa home with us from Ohio to Virginia three months later. So I went from being an 18 year old single mother to an 18 year old mother of 3 in five short months. It was alot but totally worth it!
Now in Virginia you have to not only be separated but legally separated for a year before being able to file for divorce. So, yes Jamie and I lived together without being married and waited that year. I can remember that next year, the divorce was finalized on my birthday-best birthday present ever. I am not condoning my behavior or even trying to justify it. It was wrong and I know that, I really knew that then, but I felt it was where I was meant to be. I did start taking the kids to church, Jamie however did not come very often. Within the year we moved back to Ohio (home for both of us) and I couldn't have been happier, my mom was my best friend and I missed her so much.

In March of 2000 we were married in an extremely small ceremony. Notice the belly bump, yep I was expecting! And boy was I ever happy to be back home to have this baby. However yet again I was stuck in a hospital much to my dismay. See I had always been interested in having a home birth but didn't know how to go about it.
AS a new momma again I couldn't have been happier. it was a total different experience having a husband there for support and love. Blixon was so small compared to Haven. That in another Bloggy day :-) She fit well into our family, but I have to admit Alyssa was not happy she was not the baby anymore. I don't think she ever forgave her for taking her place, but don't tell them I said that. It kind of makes me laugh to look back at pictures and see my little Alyssa with that frown on her face. I don't think I can find one picture of her smiling with Blixon in the picture. But that's ok, such is life.
as we grew as a family we went through alot. We had to deal with our ups and downs and I am talking about way down sometimes. I do believe it has been said before, that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger right? Jakob and Alyssa's biological mother had come and gone. Not seeing them in years. It was bitter sweet. I hated that she was hurting them, but I was glad we didn't have to deal with her.
By this time I had found a small church right down the street from where we were living. The kids and I were regular attendees and I had actually got myself rededicated. I had continued to try to change my life as best I could. It was hard without Jamie as my rock.
After we had Blixon we were unsure if we wanted to have more children. I tried to assist another couple have a child. I had really wanted to be a surrogate. After four months of fertility drugs and trying the couple decided to take a vacation so I got a break as well. Jamie and I, the one and only time, got pregnant. Only to loose that baby ten weeks later. Despite the heartache the loss of a baby causes, that baby did something for me no other baby has ever done. That baby brought me closer to God. I heard the Lord talk to me, and not just a quiet voice, a very unmistakable, loud and clear kind of voice. I grew in my faith in such a way, I am looking forward o meeting my child again someday in heaven, but for now I'm happy to think my child is with Jesus, whom I saw holding my baby in the heavens the day my Holy Father talked to me. No one can take that from me!
 Jamie and I discussed having another child or giving surrogacy another  go. He decided that we would try having another baby of our own. Not to try to replace the child we loss, but because in the past we had talked about having five and decided now was the time.
Guess what? I got my homebirth, yay! I'll have to tell all about that some other day. It was great though, a real life changing event. Gala was beautiful and we were all very happy to have her. Soon after, I had some pressure to get my tubes tied, much to Jamie's objections I had the surgery. Five was going to be our number of children here on earth.  Of course the turbulence in Jamie's and my relationship did not stop.  It was a constant roller coaster. I do not want to blame anyone over the other. He had his struggles and I held a grudge. At one point I had even filed for a divorce, the day before we went to court he asked me to give it another try and I said yes.
As our children got older we did what we thought we were supposed to. They went to preschool and then straight on to elementary. I wanted them to be everything they could be. Jakob played football, the girls were cheerleaders. The played soccer and took gymnastics and swimming, they wore nice clothing. I have to say it was easy not having that responsibility, a break almost throughout the day while several of them were at school. Of course all of that has its downfalls to.
 Remember I said having Gala was a life changer. I had met a midwife through a local La Leache League Leader (quick side note-I became a leader myself) and after interviewing her for my Doula certification, she agreed to deliver Gala. Then I found out I had been going to church with her parents. and her brothers family and her husbands parents. We met up at a banquet there. She invited me out to her house for a study group for Midwives and Doula's. By God good grace I talked her into letting me apprentice under her. Thus began one of the most important rewarding relationships next to me and my mothers. I trained for two years under her. She guided me in the ways of midwifery and in my personal and spiritual life as well. With a crazy unpredictable schedule I had we decided homeschooling was the way to go, as most midwives do-not all of course. Another huge change.
 We also changed churches, per my husbands request and because he was attending I was willing. I truly flourished there. I was attending a women's bible study and learned and grew by leaps and bounds, as did the children. The church had so much to offer, a family night with a great children's program I assisted with, bible studies, upward basketball we coached once even! A  clothing and food pantry. With all of that there was also drama. I became close to a women who in the hurt me very badly, but also taught me a very valuable lesson-never be anyone than yourself, no matter what!
Jamie and I suffered turbulence along the way, but  he did accept Christ as his savior and get baptised. This helped, but did not make things perfect of course. 
Something else huge had happened yet again. I had felt that God had been telling me to have a tubal reversal. I fasted and I prayed and the number eight weighed heavily on me. We went forward with the surgery and one month later I was expecting again! But as I had said Jamie had demons he struggled with. We decided it may be easier if we moved. He had wanted property ever since we moved from Virginia. I figured if we moved it would be easier for him to stay away from the things that was hurting our family. So moved we did. After a few short months I felt as if it were a terrible mistake after all...

Friday, January 20, 2012

Our Wet and Cold Scavenger Hunt

I feel that it is so very important to get the kids outside. Some days are easier than others. I have a couple of girls that it has to organized play or they just don't want to. So whats more fun then a scavenger hunt!
                                                yes that is Jakob giving Alyssa bunny ears
 We had alot of fun looking around for everything on our list. Some needed a little help and that's part of the fun. I think it's great when they get to help one another. It builds bonds and helps with self confidence.

                                               Yes even the cat participated in the hunt ;-)
look at the crazy weather we have here in Ohio. It was crazy enough to freeze a mini water fall, yet warm enough to thaw the ground.

me and Gala teamed up. She did great, but her dress got a little muddy. but that's ok.

                                          Good thing daddy's coat is big. I need a Kowalli.
When we were all finished (it took awhile, due to the rain-we had to go into the cow shelter) we headed back up to the house, with about 10 pounds of mud caked to our boots, but again that's ok, we had fun.
Yep those are my crazy kids, wet and muddy and very happy!
All in all we had a great time as a family, outdoors. It didn't take long and we didn't let the weather ruin our fun. These are the memories I want our children to remember.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Evolution of Me a mini series, part 1

I was like most little girls (without a father) when I was young. I loved dolls, barbies and anything girly.
I had the best mother ever. No matter what happened she always loved me and my siblings. She taught me what unconditional love was. I know she always did best. When she met my dad I was about 4ish and they soon were married. However I do have to say there was alot of things that we do differently as parents. I can remember watching Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm st. at the age I am here in the picture. That didn't change of course when my parents got married. We had issues, as many blended families do. My dad loved me and treated me exactly the same as he did his biological children and for that I will always be thankful. And without dishing on my family to much (this is about me) Alcoholism was involved, personal (I care not to mention) physical & emotion abuse had occurred and I grew up. With older siblings ( I was the youngest of 6) I always wanted to tag along. By the time I was 11 I was hanging out with 16 years old's. By the time I was 12 I had drank my first beer I was smoking and had  tried pot and even lost my virginity-if you can call it that due to my past. Is this something I am proud of, absolutely NOT! But it is what it is.
Both of my parents worked so I had alot of free time. My mom did try to take me to church when she wasn't working and she did try to mother me when she was home and I was home-I was grounded alot. But I did fall into the wrong crowd in middle school and was stealing when I wanted to and sneaking out at night, going from boyfriend to boyfriend just looking to be loved. I never had a girlfriend for more than a few years and I still to this day wonder why. It just added to my frustrations though, my looking my wanting.
There wasn't a whole lot I was unwilling to try. I knew right from wrong, I wanted to do right but by the time I wanted to I was to far gone. I already had a reputation. Even the teachers knew my name. I had been expelled my ninth grade year, I had been on probation since I was 12 I had ran away at 14, which was the biggest regret I have in my entire life, it hurt my mom so bad. When I really think about it, even today, it makes me cry.

At one point I was so lost I had read the satanic bible. I was constantly looking for a way out any way out. I had a problem with cutting due to depression, yet I knew there was more, I had more in myself to offer, but I didn't know where to go to give. If I tried I got good grades and actually did well in school. My 10th grade year I was still doing stupid crazy things but getting good grades and I actually applied to skip the 11th grade through correspondence courses. I accomplished that, barely but I did. My 12th grade year I wasn't improving much until something big happened...
Yes, you guessed it I got pregnant! Now where as this might have been a terrible thing to happen to a just turning 17 year old, but not me. I lost all of the "so called" friends I had then. When you stop drinking and partying they drop like flies, let me tell ya. But that's exactly what I did. I stopped parting, stopped getting in trouble and I knew that I had to change the way I was living my life, for my daughter. I broke up with my then boyfriend because he did not want to change the way he was living and I didn't want it around my baby.

My daughter saved my life, no telling where I would have been. I certainly was not heading down a very good path. Through my sin God sent a blessing who ultimately saved my life! I started going back to church, knowing that I wanted a good life for my daughter. Somehow I knew that God was what I needed to provide her a good life. By His grace, by His love, by His faithful love he hadn't given up on me, He was waiting all of that time, through all of those years, through all of my mistakes our Lord the Creator of the universe cared enough for me to send a blessing down to me and He received me messed up little ol' me with open and loving arms He received me. So I have to say that if God can forgive me and love me and want me to be apart of His family, well there isn't a thing anyone can do to make Him not willing to forgive you and love you. He knows whats in your heart and He knew what was in my heart. I was just misguided. I had finally found the love I had been looking for all of those years, my daughter yes but it was God that I needed to fill that hole that had been in my soul, I needed His love to fill that void.
    Now did I become the perfect mother and Christian from that point, no I still had some growing to do, just to get me to where I am now....

Thursday, January 12, 2012

calling all snow

This hill, our hill is turning for a nice thick blanket of snow. All of us Elkins are turning for a fun filled snow day enjoyed on that hill.

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I love having my children at home.
                                                 (Blixon tends to be my helper, before she starts school)

I love the fact that we are able to homeschool.
                                                  (Alyssa trying to get through so she can run off to knit)

Spending time with each one of them and them with each other is great. I can remember saying to homeschooling families (momma's usually)
                                                    (Gala starting school on her own-I was so proud)
"thats great, not for me but great" or "I could never do that" and now I couldn't imagine it any other way.
(Jakob likes the quiet in his room for school)

When they finish up, they like to learn new things such as knitting and embroidering and they tend to learn this on their own.
(Haven  embroidering-keepers at home book turned her on to it)

All while the younger ones are watching and often like to participate in activities in which they take something away from it as well. Or simply helping momma clean up ;-)
(Hadassah with her Dyson)

Such an honor and blessing it is to have children. The fact that the Lord has entrusted Jamie and I to raise up His children, amazing really! If He has given these children to us to raise then we are going to try our best to raise them for Him. Win them over to Him. We feel the best way to do that is as a family, together. Somedays we all want to scream but we wouldn't have it any other way. 


Thursday, January 5, 2012

Will we be a family of 9, of 10 of.......

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish my thoughts and feelings from the very still voice from our Lord.
    I can remember when I had my tubal ligation after we had Gala, thinking she would be our last. I of course had a tubal reversal, due to the Lords guidance and I know it was the right thing to do. One month after the surgery we were expecting Hadassah, and about 10 months later we were expecting Syhven! I couldn't be happier with my children. I love having a big family. I knew when I had my surgery that the number 8 was weighing very heavily on my heart. So I expected that we would have three more children. We are now coming up to the time that I figure the possibility of another pregnancy is high. This somewhat scares me.
   I thought that eight was the magic number due to my fasting and praying before my surgery, but I am scared that thats not the number. What if it meant eight more children-yes this has been implied by some. I didn't think I wanted eight more children. But I am just turning 30 this coming Sunday. I have many more childbearing years! Do I really want to continue having children into my 40's? I don't think so. I mean I thought I would get back into midwifery (which I love and miss so very much) There is the financial aspect, of course not to the extreme some people think. I look forward to having my bed back to myself and hubby. I look forward to a full nights sleep, or being able to go out as husband and wife because all of our children are old enough to help out while we are gone for a couple of hours. I home school and to be perfectly honest I do not look forward to schooling young ones (don't mind the older ones so much) for the next ten years. And I am thoroughly enjoying the children growing older & the new season that comes with young adults. I love my babies but it is hard getting everything done that needs done when you have babies that don't want set down. As I do practice attachment parenting. I even shower with Syhven. Here is my predicament...
   Most of these things are selfish. I mean am  I so of the world that I think something that is a blessing from God is a bad thing? I mean God is willing to entrust me and my husband with another life, He says that children are a blessing. Don't most of us feel the same way when our first comes around, the second, third...when do they stop being a blessing and become an inconvience, a money drainer, problem, a stresser a carreer stopper? When do we have the right to step in and say NO Lord no more blessings?
  I obviously I didn't always care either way. I mean I have aways oposed abortion of course but just preventing a pregnancy all together, well thats a personal descision, I think, but what is my descision? What is the right thing to do? Biblicaly speaking I would say, let the Lord decide, but thats easier said then done. I don't look down on anyone who chooses not  to have more children, but I do have to say, I do look up to those familes who do leave it in Gods hands. After all who is in charge of giving life? He says that He will never give us anything we can't handle. Should I not be buiding up His army, one soldier at a time? So many things are going on in my head which seems to be conflicting with my heart which also seems to be conflicting with my "wants" who seem to be fighting in amongst themselves as well.
  So will we be a family of 9, of 10 or will God put it upon our hearts to continue having children, will He want to bless us with more. I don't know right now. What ever it is I do pray I listen to that still small voice and He gives me the discernment to do the right thing according to His plans for my family.