Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Evolution of Me, mini series part 2

So within a year, and a few boyfriends-hey I said I wasn't perfect, Jamie and Jakob came into my life. Jamie had been friends with my step brother,  so when he started calling me every day, all day it wasn't as if he was a stranger. He was newly separated with two kids. He had kept his son and his daughter had stayed with her biological mother. He moved in with Jakob, but it didn't take long for him to miss Virginia so Haven and I moved to Virginia to be with Jamie and Jakob.
It didn't take long for Jamie to begin missing his daughter. We soon found out her biological mother had not been taking good care of her so we took Alyssa home with us from Ohio to Virginia three months later. So I went from being an 18 year old single mother to an 18 year old mother of 3 in five short months. It was alot but totally worth it!
Now in Virginia you have to not only be separated but legally separated for a year before being able to file for divorce. So, yes Jamie and I lived together without being married and waited that year. I can remember that next year, the divorce was finalized on my birthday-best birthday present ever. I am not condoning my behavior or even trying to justify it. It was wrong and I know that, I really knew that then, but I felt it was where I was meant to be. I did start taking the kids to church, Jamie however did not come very often. Within the year we moved back to Ohio (home for both of us) and I couldn't have been happier, my mom was my best friend and I missed her so much.

In March of 2000 we were married in an extremely small ceremony. Notice the belly bump, yep I was expecting! And boy was I ever happy to be back home to have this baby. However yet again I was stuck in a hospital much to my dismay. See I had always been interested in having a home birth but didn't know how to go about it.
AS a new momma again I couldn't have been happier. it was a total different experience having a husband there for support and love. Blixon was so small compared to Haven. That in another Bloggy day :-) She fit well into our family, but I have to admit Alyssa was not happy she was not the baby anymore. I don't think she ever forgave her for taking her place, but don't tell them I said that. It kind of makes me laugh to look back at pictures and see my little Alyssa with that frown on her face. I don't think I can find one picture of her smiling with Blixon in the picture. But that's ok, such is life.
as we grew as a family we went through alot. We had to deal with our ups and downs and I am talking about way down sometimes. I do believe it has been said before, that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger right? Jakob and Alyssa's biological mother had come and gone. Not seeing them in years. It was bitter sweet. I hated that she was hurting them, but I was glad we didn't have to deal with her.
By this time I had found a small church right down the street from where we were living. The kids and I were regular attendees and I had actually got myself rededicated. I had continued to try to change my life as best I could. It was hard without Jamie as my rock.
After we had Blixon we were unsure if we wanted to have more children. I tried to assist another couple have a child. I had really wanted to be a surrogate. After four months of fertility drugs and trying the couple decided to take a vacation so I got a break as well. Jamie and I, the one and only time, got pregnant. Only to loose that baby ten weeks later. Despite the heartache the loss of a baby causes, that baby did something for me no other baby has ever done. That baby brought me closer to God. I heard the Lord talk to me, and not just a quiet voice, a very unmistakable, loud and clear kind of voice. I grew in my faith in such a way, I am looking forward o meeting my child again someday in heaven, but for now I'm happy to think my child is with Jesus, whom I saw holding my baby in the heavens the day my Holy Father talked to me. No one can take that from me!
 Jamie and I discussed having another child or giving surrogacy another  go. He decided that we would try having another baby of our own. Not to try to replace the child we loss, but because in the past we had talked about having five and decided now was the time.
Guess what? I got my homebirth, yay! I'll have to tell all about that some other day. It was great though, a real life changing event. Gala was beautiful and we were all very happy to have her. Soon after, I had some pressure to get my tubes tied, much to Jamie's objections I had the surgery. Five was going to be our number of children here on earth.  Of course the turbulence in Jamie's and my relationship did not stop.  It was a constant roller coaster. I do not want to blame anyone over the other. He had his struggles and I held a grudge. At one point I had even filed for a divorce, the day before we went to court he asked me to give it another try and I said yes.
As our children got older we did what we thought we were supposed to. They went to preschool and then straight on to elementary. I wanted them to be everything they could be. Jakob played football, the girls were cheerleaders. The played soccer and took gymnastics and swimming, they wore nice clothing. I have to say it was easy not having that responsibility, a break almost throughout the day while several of them were at school. Of course all of that has its downfalls to.
 Remember I said having Gala was a life changer. I had met a midwife through a local La Leache League Leader (quick side note-I became a leader myself) and after interviewing her for my Doula certification, she agreed to deliver Gala. Then I found out I had been going to church with her parents. and her brothers family and her husbands parents. We met up at a banquet there. She invited me out to her house for a study group for Midwives and Doula's. By God good grace I talked her into letting me apprentice under her. Thus began one of the most important rewarding relationships next to me and my mothers. I trained for two years under her. She guided me in the ways of midwifery and in my personal and spiritual life as well. With a crazy unpredictable schedule I had we decided homeschooling was the way to go, as most midwives do-not all of course. Another huge change.
 We also changed churches, per my husbands request and because he was attending I was willing. I truly flourished there. I was attending a women's bible study and learned and grew by leaps and bounds, as did the children. The church had so much to offer, a family night with a great children's program I assisted with, bible studies, upward basketball we coached once even! A  clothing and food pantry. With all of that there was also drama. I became close to a women who in the hurt me very badly, but also taught me a very valuable lesson-never be anyone than yourself, no matter what!
Jamie and I suffered turbulence along the way, but  he did accept Christ as his savior and get baptised. This helped, but did not make things perfect of course. 
Something else huge had happened yet again. I had felt that God had been telling me to have a tubal reversal. I fasted and I prayed and the number eight weighed heavily on me. We went forward with the surgery and one month later I was expecting again! But as I had said Jamie had demons he struggled with. We decided it may be easier if we moved. He had wanted property ever since we moved from Virginia. I figured if we moved it would be easier for him to stay away from the things that was hurting our family. So moved we did. After a few short months I felt as if it were a terrible mistake after all...


  1. My kids played Upward basketball. They really enjoyed it.

  2. Found you on bloggy moms. I was just telling my husband that I needed to write out some of our story... we've come a long way. Some similarities in our stories. We have five kids, but they're getting older now (11, 14, 15, 16 & 20) and its awesome. We did the homebirthing, homeschooling and all that as well.

    Its nice to meet you!

  3. Thanks for stopping by :-)I i'll have to go check you out. I'd love to hear about your births-I'm a birth junkie. And yes upward was great! We all miss it.

  4. I saw your post about your fear saying too much on your blog. The best advice I ever got was from a fellow mom blogger who said I never blog again I wouldn't want my mother/mother-in-law to read.

  5. Good advice Patricia I will remember that.