Monday, November 28, 2011

How Different My Life Has Turned Out To Be

   I was a typical teenage girl when it came to my "envisioned" future. I thought I would someday get married, have 2.8 children live in the suburbs with a picket fence, little swing to sit in and watch the kids play in the front yard. I thought we would have play dates and I would go shopping and we would just be, well one of those perfect families like you see on TV. Yes I was young and naive but hey why not, right...
       Then I had my first child and that vision quickly died. However if I am completely honest I still secretly hold tight to that vision in my inner most being. We were poor, living in an apartment complex. Then we moved to Virginia atop a mountain, thankfully only for a year or so. We moved to a small house back in Ohio praise God! It seemed things were slightly more within my reach. Then we moved in to an even bigger house (still a small starter house) right beside a trailer park, no fence, we couldn't even send the kids out to play if we were not with them. They had friends while in school but they never got close with anyone and I was always so nervous about what others thought we didn't have kids over to often because I always felt we weren't good enough, or we didn't have enough to have them have fun. We lived in that house for several years. Gala was even born in that house.
     Something you have to understand, I grew up in the only city in our county. So it was not Columbus but it was the "good" side of town at least. My parents did not buy me everything I wanted but I pretty much knew they could if they wanted to. So I always just thought that was what I would have only better!
    I knew my husband wanted land though, and I wanted  to get away from some unsavory characters that seemed to cast a shadow over my husband from time to time. Therefore in typical Tiffany fashion, I jumped on the idea and became obsessed with finding land and preferably not in our home county. I saw a 42 acre farm and thought we have to move here! When I get fixated on an idea everything seems less than important. I don't like that about myself. Regardless within a few months we were packing up and moving in. We thought we would  have to remove some wallpaper and paint and maybe a few minor things from there. Ha! We have gutted the entire house besides the hallways and the kitchen.
   It was a huge adjustment, just being able to let our kids play outside by themselves was so very hard. I missed my mom more than I knew humanly possible. I missed my one of only three (in my whole life) true friends. I missed my church. I missed my spiritual mother and being a midwife! I missed being able to drive 15 minutes to Walmart and a Kroger-with good foods, JCPenny and even the best ever chiropractor, I was not happy.
    We have been here for about 2.5 years now and I am finally coming to realize this is our home and I'm beginning to be ok with that. I still miss all those things but I am getting accustomed to living in a small town on a small farm. I love my goats, yeah, who would have thought. I love my church, even though it is different from our old church it has an amazing family of people there. I love the fact that my kids can run and play freely and get all sorts of experiences you just can't get living in suburbia. I love that my husband is happy here. My younger kids at least have found several friends. My older three and myself, we have not found everyday "best"friends yet, but we do have some occasional friends, those who we only see on occasion and talk on the phone to occasionally, but we still have hopes for something to develop soon. My wonderful husband has even put up a fence an outdoor swing for me to enjoy while watching them play, it actually made me cry, in a good way. This is our home, and even though it is not how I thought my life would be I am happy here and I know that God knows what He is doing bringing us here. So goodbye 2.8 kids suburban soccer mom life...Hello 7 kids and counting goat farming hoe body mom! I think I like her ;-)

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