Tuesday, June 12, 2012

What Being A Good Wife Means To Me

  All of my life, I have always wanted to be a wife. A mother, yes of course, a midwife, yes and several other things I thought I would do with my life when I grew up. But a wife, always! When I was growing up I looked up to the married couples on T.V. No not the wives on Desperate Housewives or Melrose Place or any other show such as these. No, the shows and movies with the perfectly happy couples who have it all together. You know the type, perfect kids, perfect hair, perfect house all of that. I dare to say, I actually believed, that someday my life would be just like theirs. Living in the suburbs, having cook outs with the neighbors, watching my son play football, etc...Little did I know life had something a little less "perfect" for me planned.
  Jamie and I have had our ups and downs most certainly. We don't live in the suburbs and at this point I'm lucky if I get my hair pulled back in the morning. Our kids are not perfect, our house is not perfect, we are not perfect. I have read alot over the years, on marriage, and parenting, and being a wife. Some I agree with and some that made me laugh.
  Now remember I started out the first year of my adult life as a single barely legal mom. It was easy then, I did it all by myself and my way. Then I got married and everything changed. I moved into a bigger house, and had more people to take care of. I was 18 when I went from  having to take care of myself and a one year old, in a small apartment, to a man, a one and a half year old, a one year old and very soon after a 5 month old and a much bigger place. Jamie used to call me the microwave queen, because I rarely cooked a real meal when we got together. Now I don't even own a microwave! Anyway it didn't take long for me to realize I had to step it up.
  What did Jamie want, he wanted a clean house to come home to, he wanted a nice dinner and clean cloths to be able to put on the next morning. Now I don't think he is that much different then most men. Granted you have men who seem, to some of us, as slave drivers, those who have never cooked, never did any kind of house work at all and never changed a diaper. Jamie isn't that way. However when he starts to clean it almost offends me because it makes me feel as if he doesn't think I am doing my "self deemed job" good enough. He always reassures me he is just trying to help, but even still. I feel that if he is out working all day, so that we have a house, food, clothing and all of the extras we have and I am at home then I should cook and clean. Do I appreciate him taking us out for dinner or the occasional dads night for cooking, of course but I feel as though he deserves for me to do that for him. Or if he specifically asks something of me, I do my best to get it done, with a happy heart.
  Would you call me old fashion, I don't really think I am. Some people think I couldn't work, because I couldn't afford childcare. When in reality I was working with a Midwife and as a Midwife for several years. I was the one who wanted to stay home with our children. He fully supported me in that. It is kind of like this, when I go up to kiss my kids goodnight, after all I do for them, I feel I deserve to be able to safely walk up the stairs into a non-fire hazard of a room to kiss them goodnight. I didn't have time to clean up after them after I was doing everything else. As should Jamie be able to come home and not have to clean up after me and the kids all day, after he worked to pay our bills all day. Also, now this one is touchy, I feel that we as women should take care of ourselves. Just because we are married doesn't mean we need to eat twinkies all day. And men are hardwired to physically need to be intimate, just as much as we need to be loved.
  Now I will be the first to admit, I hate to dust and there are always a few toys scattered because of our toddler. At times I'm not done cooking dinner until 7 p.m. because I just didn't feel like cooking. Laundry may go undone for a few days (I try not to let this happen) but I try. I am sure I could do better and I am sure he would appreciate a sparkling perfect house, but he doesn't expect that. and I am thankful he does not, because I do know some men who do. Jamie also is not the type to care one way or the other if I throw on a pair of sweats or a skirts, and he doesn't like make-up. But If you wore skirts and wore the makeup occasionally before you got married, then you still should do so after you got married. And all of these babies, yes I have gained far to much weight in my opinion, but I am still healthy and he is still attracted to me, I am still a very active person, so don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to be 120lbs walking around the house in a maids get up.
  I do feel like it is my job, as a stay at home wife, and mother of seven, and homeschooling parent to not waste away my day. It is my job to keep the house tidy, the laundry done, dinner cooked and school, for the most part, done. Now Jamie is self employed so on the days he works from home he throws things off a little bit, but still. No, I do not feel that God made Adam a wife to be his servant or pardon me s*x slave. Or a woman to rub his feet and to be quiet unless her husband has spoken to her, or comb his hair every morning (although I know some wives enjoy doing this) I think all of that is absurd, unless you enjoy doing it for him. I think some people use their age as an excuse or their children as an excuse. This also irritates me, as I am living proof age does not matter, and children, well all of my children couldn't even be put down while napping and I still get it done. Either get a carrier or wait until they are awake and do it while carrying them. It doesn't take that long  to sweep and mop and throw a load of laundry in the wash. And dinner, well for the most part your just standing in one spot so that's possible to. I haven't even ever owned a dishwasher, so until the kids were of age to help, I had to wash everything by hand.
 As a homeschooling family, I know it can be extra difficult to get it all done. Also we tend to have more "things" laying around because we use them for educating our children, but we should try our best to keep the clutter to a minimum. It is also a little harder because most of us moms are used to a certain, ummm, sound level in the house throughout the day, and thats ok. But if your husband is anything like mine, he does like it to be quieter then what it tends to be. So I have been working with the kids, teaching them that daddy is not around "loud" all day so it is more stressfull for him then it is mommy an dwe need to respect that and turn the volume down. Again I know not all dads are like this, but if yours is, maybe try to adjust things to make everyone happy. I would reccomend the Love and Respect book. It is not one of those wives be submisive, although it i s a Christian written book. But it talks more on the fact that Men need Respect and Women need love. The workbook is extremely helpful with this as well.
  Please do not take this the wrong way while reading it. I am not saying that what is important to me should be for everyone. I know that some married couples have a different lifestyle and it works for them I think that's fantastic. I just felt like sharing what was important to me as a wife personally. I feel as if I should do everything in my power to keep my husband happy, while also keeping me happy. If my marriage were to fail (pray it never does of course) I would want to know that I did my very best, 110% the best wife that I personally could be. I want to see every marriage last a lifetime. Lets do away with divorce and put
Jesus First
Others Second and
Yourself Last


  1. Such an encouraging post! After almost 15 years of marriage my husband and I have had our fair amount of trials. However I am very grateful to a husband who supports me in being a stay at home mom and isn't overly demanding. In fact I find I'm the perfectionist and he is the don't worry about it one. I have to battle my need to have everything perfect because that actually bothers him LOL. Sometimes I have to step back and see how blessed I really am with my husband. Your post helped to remind me as well as encourage me to do a better job in my role. Thanks.

  2. Thanks for a great post! Marriage is a high calling, and spouses are to serve one another with love every day, and thankfully God gives us all the necessary graces we need to do this!

  3. Thanks Tiffany I think you are a great wife and mom, I think the same way and I really hand it to moms with a lot of kids cause it can be hard some times, I was blessed with a husband who supports me in every thing we had our ups and downs mostly about our children but he was always there every marriage is different but put Jesus in there first and you will have a good marriage and life
    God Bless to all