Monday, May 28, 2012


  I want to talk about something more serious today, miscarriages. Whether it is deemed a chemical pregnancy, missed miscarriage or just a miscarriage. This is something that many of you may have experienced at least once in your life or know someone who has. Men typically do not understand, especially when it is early on in the pregnancy, but it hurts us momma's none the less.
  A Chemical pregnancy is when you loose the baby, often before you even know you were pregnant. This usually happens right before or right after your period was due. If you are not trying or testing early then you may not even know you were pregnant. You may have a heavier period then usual but other then that you may have no symptoms. This often occurs due to cell abnormalities. This type of miscarriage makes up 50-70% of all miscarriages.
  A missed miscarriage is when you loose the baby but with no symptoms of a miscarriage. You do not start your period and often a Dr. may have to preform a D & C to clean your uterus out. Or some may choose to take herbs to try to clean them selves out. This often happens in the first trimester. But after a positive pregnancy test and usually after the first Dr./Midwife appointment.
 Any other type of miscarriage is when you know you are pregnant and then you start cramping or bleeding unexpectedly, by this time baby has died and your body is trying to expel it. Any miscarriage after the 2nd trimester is deemed a stillborn.
  Any healthy woman has a 15-20% of having some type of miscarriage, and if you have had a miscarriage in the past, your chances of having another goes up. As does age or surgeries in your reproductive area, or certain health issues. What does this mean? I suppose to some women, not a whole lot. Some women have healthy pregnancies and never have a miscarriage, or at least realize they have. But to those of us who have, that number and those odds a terrifying. With my first miscarriage I was told that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, that's alot if you ask me.
  The first time I had a missed miscarriage in 2004, I can honestly say that I grew in my relationship with The Lord. That was the first time I ever truly heard His voice loud in clear! I even had a vision of The Christ holding my baby, I knew at that point I had lost it, before I was told a definite yes. It hurt, I cried but I moved on. I did not question why so much, as I accepted it. I went on to get pregnant three months later with Gala. I had a subcronic hematoma with her (a small blood pocket behind the placenta) but that healed up and she was my first healthy home/water birth. 
  I had my tubes tied months after her birth. I then felt the Lord calling me to have that reversed. So I fasted and prayed and felt the number 8 weighing heavy on my heart. So we flew to N. Carolina and had the surgery. With a tubal reversal, I have a higher chance of having an ectopic pregnancy though. One moth later I was pregnant with Hadassah. She was born at home happy and healthy. I had two cycles (around Hadassahs 1st b-day) before I got pregnant with Syhven. She came with minimal speed bumps. Now, it has been a year and I finally started my period. Jamie and I are not sure if we want another little one quit just yet. So we bought an app for my phone called cycle beads, as we did not want to take any kind of hormonal contraceptives and certainly didn't want to have surgery to make it permanent.
 However with one cycle I became pregnant anyway! I did not tell anyone, as I wasn't sure how hubby would feel for sure. And because of my previous miscarriage I am addicted to HPT's (home pregnancy tests. I tested every morning for over a week. That little pink line never got to much darker ( I know this isn't a true way to test) It did however leave me feeling uneasy. I told Jamie about it, and got in contact with my midwife. She had some blood work ordered, even though I was still getting faint positives.
  Eleven days past my period being due my hpt was a big fat negative, and then that evening, I began to bleed. I was devastated to say the least. My children were upset and I am trying to stay strong in front of them. After all, I had been feeling uneasy this time around. I hadn't told people for that very reason. I have not cried as much as I did the first time, only because I have a pretty sour attitude about it for some reason. I just don't understand why. I mean I know the verse, The Lord giveth and The Lord taketh away. But why would the giver of life, bless someone with a baby only to take it away? My daughter said, when I go to heaven someday I will have children awaiting, so that I won't feel so bad, missing those still here on earth. A very sweet sentiment, but it still doesn't really make sense to me. I believe that the second that sperm unites with that egg it is a human being. So why?  I suppose I will not know until I get up there, so for now, I will just have to move on no matter how hard it may be.
  Why am I sharing this now, when these feelings are so raw? So that if any of you have been hurting in this way,or are hurting now, know you are not alone. If you ever need to talk then feel free to email me. I will be here for you.  My husband doesn't fully understand, and while he tries to support me, he does not know how it feels. I think only those of us who have went through it truly understands.


  1. I thank you so much for this post. I suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks 2 days back in January. I had a hard time accepting it, and I struggled with my feelings, my faith, and whether I wanted to try again. My husband and I found out I was pregnant again at the end of April, only to learn it was an ectopic pregnancy 2 weeks ago. This past Friday, my left fallopian tube collapsed.
    I'm always happy when people talk about miscarriages and pregnancy loss. Not everyone understands and it helps to know that others have been through it.
    Again thank you.

  2. I'm so sorry to hear that. This past week I had 3 of my early signs that I get when I'm pregnant. I only have 2 kids, but with both of them I knew for sure before a missed period or hpt. I even told my husband that I feel like I'm pregnant. Well, yesterday I started bleeding really heavily 5 days before I was due to start. I guess I won't know for sure until I'm in Heaven, but the possibility of it still hurts. We aren't trying right now, but my baby turned 1 yesterday, so I'm itching to be pregnant again. My sister-in-law was due in July, and at 32 weeks, she found out the baby was already gone. :( Grace Margaret was born sleeping the next day. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to lose a baby that close to birth. They're doing really good though, and have accepted that this was God's plan. I still cry though every time I think about it. Sometimes things happen, and we don't know how God could let it happen, but we have to understand that His ways are not always our ways. He is a sovereign God and knows what is best for us. We just have to trust Him. You might never know why you've lost these 2 babies, but I'd like to think that sometimes God let's us go through things so that we can comfort others who are going through the same thing. If you didn't lose a baby, you probably wouldn't have written this post, and I'm sure a lot of women (me included!) can use the reassurance that they're not the only one going through a loss, and that God is right there by our side. Thank you for your post, even though I'm sure it was a hard one to make. God bless you and your family.

  3. Thank you for writing this. I have been ttc for four years. I had a chemical pregnancy right at the beginning of our journey. I found out I had stage four endometriosis last year, and was told that after surgery, we should have no more road blocks. Well, last month, I miscarried again. Hubs was hurt at first but the next day was a normal day for him. I am still mourning. He tries to understand but just cannot. The sentiment you express about wondering why God would bless you with a child and take it before you can even say hello has been running through my thoughts ever since. I am trying hard to stay positive and trust that God was only showing us that I can get pregnant and that the child we have will come when God says so. I know that God may be on different timetable than I am, so I am trying to be reassured by this, instead of discouraged.

  4. you ladies are bringing tears to my eyes. I was afraid to write this post, thinking no one really wants to hear about loosing a baby. But I felt it was important none the less. I appreciate, your open and honest statements. Christina, you will be in my prayers. I have had people ask what I would do with an ectopic pregnancy, take the pill or try to let it grow. The thought of damaging my fallopian tubes has often crossed my mind. I pray you will be blessed soon with a baby in your arms. Emily, I will keep your family in my prayers. I have never lost a child so close to delivery, but I am like you, I couldn't imagine the hurt. My sister delivered at 36 weeks (stillborn) That loss will always be there, but with time and leaning on the lord I do pray they start to heal. ANd your right, when you are in Heaven you may find someone awaiting your arrival. I was starteled to discover so many women miscarry that early on. Anonymous, You will be on my heart and in my prayers. I have wanted to be a surrogate for years, tried once through IUI's but it didn't take (it was not Gods will) because of loving wonderful women like you. Wanting o have a child is something I can understand. I pray that God blesses you and your husband very soon, to hold in your arms to love and to grow up with.

  5. I'm sorry you're going through this again. This time last year, I was recovering from a D&C following a partial molar pregnancy and missed miscarriage. But here I sit, pregnant again. I know that I would likely not be pregnant now if I'd carried that baby to term. So, for me, I feel that God had reasons that I can see now (I wouldn't have been able to comfort my son through x-rays if I'd still been pregnant last summer when he broke his leg, I wouldn't be pregnant now, I wouldn't have learned x, y, or z and become stronger for it...) and I also believe he had reasons that I will never know or understand. And that's ok with me.

    It took us time to heal physically and emotionally from that loss. And even though it wasn't planned and my husband was stressed about the idea of having another baby so soon, he was devastated when we lost it. Possibly moreso than I was because I found comfort in God.

    I also feel like I have a slightly different perspective about miscarriage than many people because I was a Rainbow Baby. My mother lost her first baby to miscarriage months before she became unexpectedly pregnant with me. If it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't be here now! My son wouldn't be here now! Through all the pain of loss, there's a bright side coming, it just hurts to wait for it.

    Hang in there, mama. I hope you can find some peace at the end of this road.

  6. My heart is aching for you reading this. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have been there myself even under very similar "uncertain" and suprise conditions. It is a hurt that is hard to describe. They left me with so many questions and even anger at times too. Prayers of comfort and healing for you. You can email me if you need someone to talk to. ((HUGS))

  7. Quite sad. Miscarriages are like wooden steaks that pierce our hearts. Very depressing and very very sad. Family is the one thing that can help us get over such tragedies.

  8. Thanks for sharing your story, I have had 2 miscarriages both around 6 weeks in between 2 healthy children. I ham now due with #3 in July. Even when they are early, they still are painful when you are going through them. I would just get use to the fact that I am pregnant, then it gets taken away. For whatever reason, those pregnancies were not meant to be. I believe for my body it is a way for preparing it for a healthy pregnancy!

  9. Thx for posting this. Most of been hard to write this. I too like many have had a few miscarriages. I know it made me hate being pregnant because I was always so worried that something was going to happen. Me and pregnancies dont mix lol, so im very blessed with the two I have. Even though I always wanted 3, I dont think I could attempt to do it again. That fear really can take the fun out of it.
    Makes me think the 2 I have are my gifts :)

  10. Such a wonderful post!
    I understand the pain of miscarriage so well as some of my closest friends have been through this, many times. They've even shared their stories on my blog because they wanted other women in their situation found comfort and overcome the feeling of loneliness.
    I'm sure many women found these in your post.